Sunday, September 29, 2019

Comment Wall

(Statues of Greek Gods in Mythology. Source)

Comments about any of the stories on my portfolio can be made here. When leaving a comment, please include the name of the story to which you're referring to. Here is the link to my portfolio. Thanks and happy commenting!

14 comments:

  1. Hey Daniel! What a great first story. Wow, I was not expecting Surero to have done so much wrong to the king and the city. It seemed as though, one thing after another, Surero continued to do wrong. The background of this story really helped add to the intensity of it. I wonder if you added a backstory of the daughter searching through the men of the town, how that would change the story. Maybe adding a few stories that other men had told her about their wickedness. This could be helpful to measure how truly bad what Surero did compared to the normal “wicked” act. I appreciated how you made it known that Surero, while being very wicked, had great characteristics “nobility, cunning, and honest”. This helps me as a reader understand how the king could see him as an asset. What if, at the end, you added a little more detail about how the relationship started out between the daughter and Surero. Did it just happen over time? How long did it take before she fell in love? Overall, great story! I cannot wait to see more!

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  2. Hey Daniel! I really enjoyed reading your first story. You do a great job of drawing the reader in through your first paragraph. I found myself asking what on earth your protagonist was talking about and for that matter, who your protagonist even was. I really enjoyed reading this story from the king's point of view, and I definitely think I got a grasp of his personality that you were trying to convey. I think it's a little ironic how Surero gets away with doing all these things, yet the king still kind of respects him. The twist I was not expecting was that he would go as far as to offer his daughter's hand in marriage at the end. Why do you think a king would do that given the circumstances? Seems like that would be a little odd. It could be interesting to see what would happen if the king offered something else that Surero would then take advantage of. Overall, I was really impressed by your portfolio so far!

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  3. Hi Daniel! I enjoyed reading your first story! I think your first paragraph is so intriguing that it really draws the reader into your story. Once the king starts telling the story of what all Surero has done, it's just a rollercoaster from there on. It seems as if he just keeps doing worse and worse things. It honestly makes me wonder how the king even agreed to give his daughter's hand in marriage to Surero. I thought it was interesting how in the last paragraph you wrote about the king going through all of the things Surero has done, and it's like he is basically trying to convince himself that Surero is good enough for his daughter because of these reasons. I think it would be interesting to know more about the relationship between the daughter and Surero. I realized you're doing a portfolio, and not a storybook. Otherwise I think another story about just Surero and Raia would be a good addition. Or you could even add another paragraph at the end of this story. Overall, I think your portfolio is looking great so far!

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  4. Hey Daniel,
    I have to say I loved your first story! I also found your homepage and layout of the website to look pretty cool. I love the pictures you used in the background and how it adds to the story. I think you did a great job on pulling me in deeper and deeper as the story progressed. I found myself almost speed reading to get through it to know what happened next. I could not believe that the king agreed to marry his daughter to a thief! I also could not believe that the biggest problem was that he was a thief. I thought a much bigger problem was that he cut off his brother’s head to save himself. However clever that is it is still incredibly horrible! I love what you did with this story! There were so many different twists and turns I got lost along the way to the end. I can’t wait to read more!

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  5. Hey Daniel!

    I really liked reading through your storybook. I like the “Karma” story a lot. You wrote it well and the ending was very satisfying! The sentence that said “Although they were poor in wealth, they were rich in love“ helped set the tone for the rest of the story and was particularly strong. I was even more impressed when I read your author’s note and saw how you completely transformed that older story, nicely done. Have you considered writing another tale using these characters? They were interesting! It also might help connect your storybook a bit and lead to a more unified theme/structure.

    Your layout of the website was simple but good! I like the images you included behind the text of the stories. The main image is also cool. You might consider adding a longer intro/more pics to your home page, but the simplicity keeps it clean as it is. Overall, this is a great project, keep up the good work!

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  6. Hi Daniel!
    I am so impressed by your project! There is something so beautiful about the simplicity of the layout! Most of the time, I would suggest adding pictures or depth to a project, but I actually really enjoy how simple and clean yours is! Another feature of your project that I really like is how you placed images to be seen behind your text. It adds a lot to the emotion and feeling the reader should have when reading each story. It is really cool how each story has a different image. Regarding your stories, I really enjoyed both of them! I love how you have certain lines in them that are so meaningful and deep! I really appreciate stories that have hidden meanings or inspirational words. Overall, I thought that your project was very impressive. Your use of words, tone and imagery was exceptional and I cannot wait to come back and see what else you have in store!

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  7. Hello, Daniel!

    I just finished reading the first two stories in your portfolio, and I really enjoyed them! They were based on stories I hadn't heard before, which I really liked because they felt so fresh to me. I loved the images you chose, as well -- that said, you should consider changing the color of the text. In some places the background is too light, so the white text is quite difficult to read. I found myself tilting my laptop screen at weird angles trying to figure out what you'd written. I thought you did a great job with the perspective shift in your "How A Robber Wed My Daughter" story - I appreciated that you left out the information the king wouldn't have known (like how the brothers managed to infiltrate the treasure room because of their father) instead of trying to work it in and having it seem kind of awkward. I definitely think it was better getting that information from the author's note, which was really informative. Great job! :)

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  8. Hey Daniel, I read your first story you posted a few weeks back and thought it was great. I was hoping to get your story in the mix when it came up. I really enjoyed your Karma story. I have never read the original story before, but I thought your version was great! I was not sure what to expect from the title but as I started reading, I slowly put the pieces together. My favorite sentence that helped me connect to the story was they were poor in wealth but rich in love. I thought that sentence was very moving. I thought the length of your story was good, but I wonder if you gave more of a backstory to why Paul’s kids and he did not get along. Did something cause this to happen? I also think an addition to the ending about David and Paul being good friends could be explained or a short story of their lives now. Overall, I really enjoyed the whole story. Great job!

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  10. Hey Daniel. I really enjoyed your stories-- the Karma one especially! I found the ending really good. I could really tell you put a lot of time into it! I liked how your titles were vague so I had no preconceived expectations and only interest. I also really enjoyed the amount of detail you put into your sentences. I could see the pictures you were trying to paint very clearly.
    You also might want to think about changing to layout of your portfolio. I found the text and picture combination hard to read. But it won't be a hard thing to fix! Just change the picture to a smaller one with a solid background or try a different text color.

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  11. I love the fact that you have a background for each one of your stories. I think it really adds to them. It gives a picture that is interesting that we can look at and it also does a good job at setting the scene for the story. I am curious to know what was recited to turn the old lady into ash. Was it a spell of a prayer that harms witches? Is the ogre evil and was she trying to subdue him, or she evil and trying to capture him? I feel like she probably would not have deceived if her intentions were pure. Your second story is really sweet. I do not understand why they like the cemetery, is it beautiful? It does set up the story well and I am glad that somebody helped the old man. Did he eventually get buried with his wife at the cemetery too?

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  12. Hi Daniel,

    I had a great time reading your storybook. I liked how the first story was set in a world with monks and magic and you immediately turned that around in your second story by placing the characters in a modern world and talking about how the stock market crash and layoffs affected an old couple. I really loved the relationship you described in your second story and the attention to detail you had in it. Paul's persistence in asking everyone for help and going so far as to beg David for a plot seems plausible given that you spent a considerable amount of time elaborating on the strength of their relationship. I also really liked your third story and the perspective it is told from. I like how the king is in disbelief at his own actions and doubting himself for a moment before he uses this diary entry to walk through all the robber's actions and justify to himself that what he was doing was right. Great job!

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  13. I just read your story about how the thief ended up marrying the daughter of the king and I loved it. I think that the background image that you chose for this story is absolutely beautiful and I love how you have an image for each story, it adds so much to them. I think it was a great idea to make the story from the king’s perspective and give us an idea of why the events transpired as they did. It makes sense that the king would want somebody honest, cunning, and noble by his side and to marry his daughter. I feel like I would probably have been lost if I did not have this explanation provided by the king himself. I was a bit confused when you said that the king sent his daughter out to capture surero. He was not aware that he was the culprit at that time, so maybe change his name there to thief or culprit or something of that nature.

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  14. Hey Daniel!
    I just got done with reading your “Irony” story. It was full of such great dialogue and narration. I didn’t know what was happening at first, which is the way I liked my stories to be told – from a perspective of someone who knows what is happening. Going further on in the story, it had some great plot points that I found very intriguing. First off, I liked the aspect of the robber Sureo having to cut off his brother’s head in order to avoid the fate that would befall their family. Second, I liked how the narrator is almost an evil monarch. I mean, who else slaughters an entire family because of the actions of a few of them. The background picture that you used for your story makes it look so great! One problem I do have with it is that it is somewhat hard to read the text. Overall, I found this story highly entertaining and I can’t wait to read more of it.
    Andrew

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